A Dirty Little Secret

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Flexibility has been key to my ability to have a rewarding career and be a mom to my three over the last two plus decades. My objective of flexible working is to find creative ways to allow me to meet my commitments outside of the office while continuing to meet my work obligations. And this has been tough because I always worked in roles and industries that were demanding and rather inflexible in their expectations. Being a bit of a contrarian, I took that as a challenge to overcome in creating the life I wanted rather than a blocker for me.

Most times my arrangement were informal. I might work from home to more effective complete certain work (e.g. write a complex document); take time off to make up for extended working (e.g. worked overnight for a launch); take time off for family needs(e.g. doctor, school performance/volunteering); work from home to be available for a delivery or home related appointment (e.g. contractor, electrician); take time off or work from home to deal with emergencies (e.g. sick child, parents are in crisis). This is my list and is by no means exhaustive. I also had more formal arrangements like working from home a set number of days a week. And I supported all for those who worked on my teams.

Many people don’t realize the immense variety of these types of arrangements and how common they are – no matter what policies or official programs are in place. At one point, I attended a conference for senior HR executives. Flexibility was a focus topic we wanted to better support in the context of exacting business expectations. Before I presented our working group’s recommendation, I asked the larger room to give me some data. I explained what I meant by flexible work, giving some of the examples above. I then asked everyone who had worked flexibly themselves either as informally with some regularity or as formal arrangement to raise their hands. More than three quarters stuck an arm in the air. I paused and let everyone look around. I saw looks of surprise register. I then asked how many had supported someone on their team to do the same. Almost all hands went up. Again I said nothing for a bit to allow people to process. The attendees glanced at all the raised hands and I could see that powerful data point sink in. These were senior HR executives with decades of collective experience across many companies; this was an eye opening experience for me.

In our group, most assumed working flexibly wasn’t that common because we lacked formal support or programs. We figured out quickly the opposite was true. So we dug deeper to understand why this misinformation persisted. I had a pretty good idea from my own experience. Working flexibly is often a bit of a “dirty little secret.” I remember coming back from my second maternity leave and requesting a work from home arrangement. It was approved “unofficially” but I was asked to be discreet. And if people complained, I risked losing it. I did as I was asked because I needed it to transition successfully back to the workplace. In discussing with many, I learned it is common for these arrangements to come with the implicit or explicit understanding it was kind of “under the table.” I now think that is a fundamentally flawed approach. I realize even my choice to downplay my arrangement carried an insidious price for myself and others like me. This lack of visibility leads to a perception these arrangements are not common so not required or effective. Not having it out in the open also creates stress for those who need to “keep it quiet”; both employees and the supporting managers. It also creates a stigma and associated shame to those who avail themselves or allow other to do so. What is wrong with them that they need something more or different to achieve? Are they a bad manager by “permitting”?

It was clear we needed some “myth busting”. I found doing so is both simple and hard. Simple because it just requires people to share theirs stories about how it is working now; we don’t need to create formal programs. By doing so, we show flexibility has long term benefits at every level; people who participate can and are successful. Simple! However, it is also hard because how do you get people, used to downplaying this strategy to protect themselves, to share. This presents a classic chicken and egg problem. Hard!

So where do you start? Start with leaders; they generally have privilege and power so they risk the least (in theory) and the impact is largest. I was on a work/life harmony panel recently with one of the two leaders of the organization. He talked about how he prioritized family obligations and the flexible arrangements he employed. I could see the immediate impact of his personal story on those in the audience. They hung on his words, they nodded and took notes. Through sharing, he demonstrated it is safe to have these strategies and safe to share them in a public way. I share my stories frequently for exactly this reason, to help those struggling with either needing this or wanting to support. We need more examples of success while employing flexibility to be highlighted and shared.

This is the first post in a series on flexibility. If you enjoyed it, stay tuned for my next post on how managers can successfully support flexibility for their teams. More “myth busting” to do. The following blog post will lay out how employees who want or need flexibility can set themselves up for long term success. Join me on this journey to use flexibility to meet your longer term family, career and life objectives. It’s a fabulous tool!

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