'How Do I Feel Better About Missing My Baby's Milestones Because of Work?'

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It kills me that I’m missing some of my baby’s milestones because I’m working. How do I feel better about not being there for the precious moments I won’t get back?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. There is no reason to feel guilty because you’re not completely missing anything. Your child will give you those precious memories again and again.

“Milestones are not a single moment,” says Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph.D., psychologist and author of Growing Friendships: A Kid’s Guide to Making and Keeping Friends. “They are the delicious sense of mastery that your child feels from gaining new skills.” Look at milestones in this way, and you can enjoy them beyond the first time your baby hits one. “You may or may not be there the first time your child stands, but you will definitely have a first time when you see her stand,” she adds. “That is the moment to celebrate and share in your child’s joy.”


 
 

 
 


You can always ask your babysitter or a daycare worker to take a picture or video of that first time for you to view later. You might even be able to video-chat or watch a live-stream of your child while you’re away, but don’t do it too often, advises Dr. Kennedy-Moore. “I don’t think it’s healthy to try to ‘catch’ a milestone,” she says. It might distract you from work and compel you to tune in at all times.

Another option is to ask caregivers to stay mum about new milestones. That way you find out about them when you see them yourself. Just make sure you give specific instructions on what you don’t want them to tell you, say, first steps and words, says Dr. Kennedy-Moore. Make sure to remind them to keep cluing you in on everything else.

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