Women Say Fellow Women Are Ruder than Men at Work

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We’ve all been the target of a mean girl while growing up, but according to research, we’re likely to encounter bullying by women in the workforce too.

In fact, women say that they’ve encountered more rudeness from their female coworkers than their male colleagues, according to a new study published in the Journal of Applied Psychology.

What’s worse: women who are assertive and outspoken are particularly likely to become targets of snarky comments, being ignored or excluded, or being treated disrespectfully by other women, TODAY reports.

“Women, rather than building each other up and helping—sometimes we tear each other down,” the study’s lead author Allison Gabriel, an assistant professor of management and organizations at the University of Arizona, told TODAY.

But is that really the full story? Are women just incredibly mean to each other, as every stereotype would imply? Not so fast.

We often talk about misogyny toward women from men—and especially now that the #MeToo and #TimesUp campaigns have proven just how pervasive workplace sexism really is. But what’s less discussed is that even women have internalized cultural messages about how we “should” behave—and sometimes we strike out at people who violate those norms. Other studies have shown that women judge women leaders more harshly, for example.

That may be what’s going on here. Erika Holiday, a licensed clinical psychologist in Studio City, California, told TODAY that we often believe women are supposed to be “nurturing, kind, sweet.” When women don’t conform to those unconscious biases, when they’re more assertive, other women have a hard time accepting that, said Holiday, the co-author of Mean Girls, Meaner Women: Understanding Why Women Backstab, Betray and Trash Talk Each Other and How to Heal.

It’s also a matter of scarce resources: Since leadership positions rarely go to women, there’s more competition for top spots. “So rather than me comparing myself to my male counterparts when it comes to things like raises or promotions, I’m more likely to compare myself to other women,” Gabriel explains.

In short, a legacy of sexism and misogyny may have made women more hostile toward one another in the workplace.

“It’s problematic,” Gabriel told TODAY. “We found that women who reported this type of incivility from other women were more likely to say that they were unsatisfied at work … It can also be reflected in their emotional well-being.”

That a hostile work environment can lead to disgruntled employees is no surprise at all, but it should be a good reason for employers to make their workplaces a space where women can flourish because opportunities are plentiful. We bet this dynamic is rare at companies where there are plenty of spots for women at the top, and where mentorship is the norm (like at our NAFE Top Companies for Executive Women).

We working moms can also help combat this norm by lending a hand to our fellow female colleagues whenever possible and by checking our impulse to describe women as bossy or bitchy or any other adjective that’s a pejorative way to say outspoken or assertive—which Gabriel points out are “behaviors we view as being characteristic of good leadership” when they’re practiced by men.

These days, it’s especially clear combating sexism is going to take a unified front—so let’s not forget we’re all in this together.

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